#Why does she hate Alina so much

[stromuprisahat]

Finished Siege and Storm again, and I hate, I HATE Bardugo for it.

When in other fiction heroes go through highs and lows, Alina goes through lows and lower lows. I can't even make myself feel better thinking she'll get over it, because she won't.

She's sick, weak, alone since nobody really cares about her, and this time she doesn't even have her powers- the one thing we've been shown that make her truly happy.

And I know that's exactly how she'll end up at the end of the last book, only permanently.

[deliciousangelfestival]

The Imperfect Couple - 18

Character: politician!Bucky x ex-wife!reader

Summary: A separated couple must pretend to be happily married while the husband runs for Vice President, dealing with old issues and political pressures during his election campaign.

Warning: Triggering conversation. Mentioned about sexual assault.

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist || If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee on Ko-fi 🙏��

Author Note: After this, you will hate Steve more.

By the way, I publish my book Arrogant Ex-Husband and Dad, I Can't Let You Go by Alina C. Bing on Kindle.

Thank you to everyone who has read this chapter. Leave a comment and Reblog, please. I'd love to hear your thoughts. ❤️

The news spread like wildfire: The First Lady has passed away from a sudden heart attack. The entire nation reeled at the announcement. It was a tragic day for the country, and the collective grief was palpable. You and Bucky struggled to believe it, exchanging shocked glances as you watched the news unfold on screen.

The twins, pale with grief, approached their father with questions in their eyes. “Why, a heart attack?” one of them whispered.

Steve’s expression was controlled, his answer calm. “Because with that, everyone will stop asking,” he replied. A sudden heart attack is understandable. Even General Carter died of one.

Just as Steve had predicted, people accepted it readily. “A heart attack? That’s horrible,” they’d say, before letting the matter rest. It was as if the finality of the explanation sealed Peggy’s fate in a way no one dared to question. And yet, to you, something felt out of place.

Only two weeks earlier, there had been news that Peggy had collapsed, and the doctors advised her to rest. You found yourself shaking your head as you spoke to Bucky. “She was so healthy, so careful with her lifestyle. Doesn’t it feel… odd?”

Bucky’s gaze was hard, thoughtful. “It does,” he admitted. “It really does.”

🌸🌸🌸🌸

The day of Peggy’s funeral arrived, a somber, overcast morning where gray clouds seemed to hang like a veil over the city. Dressed in black, the crowd of mourners filled the space around the somber cemetery, their faces etched with grief and disbelief. The country mourned the First Lady’s loss, and people lined up to pay their respects to Steve and the grieving family. You and Bucky observed from a distance, your expressions reflecting both sorrow and skepticism.

Caroline and Julius were also present, looking somber as they approached Hazel and Julius, standing silently nearby. Carol, her face set in sadness, touched Hazel’s arm gently. “Let’s go give Steve our condolences,” she whispered.

“You two go ahead,” Hazel murmured, looking away. Her eyes shifted, and a shadow of guilt crossed her face. She couldn’t bear to look at Peggy’s sons, William and Charles, standing on either side of their father, too young to fully understand the depths of their loss.

Carol frowned. “Hazel, don’t be stubborn,” she said softly. “Come on, Julius.” The two of them moved toward Steve, leaving Hazel standing there with her head bowed, biting her lip.

Julius, his voice low and respectful, extended his hand to Steve. “We’re deeply sorry, Steve. Peggy was a remarkable woman.”

Carol echoed his sentiments. “Yes, Steve. She’ll be missed so much. Our hearts are with you and the boys.”

Steve nodded, his face a well-practiced mask of grief. “Thank you both. Peggy loved you both very much.”

As the guests continued offering their sympathies, Natasha appeared at Hazel’s side, touching her arm and gesturing discreetly. Hazel hesitated but glanced over, catching your eye. You nudged Bucky, motioning in Hazel’s direction, but he shook his head. “Let them go,” he said quietly. “Not here, not now.”

Following Natasha, Hazel found herself being led to a private corner, away from the public’s eyes. Steve was already waiting, his hands clasped tightly behind his back. As Hazel approached, she looked pale, her posture small, as though she wanted to shrink away.

“Why do you look like you want to hide?” Steve asked, arching an eyebrow, his voice a low murmur.

Without a word, Hazel handed him her phone. Her hands were shaking. Steve took the device and glanced at the screen. What he read there made his expression falter, if only for a moment. The message on the screen was Peggy’s final words:

"I’ll give him to you. But know that each time you’re with him, I will always be the thorn between you two."

Hazel’s voice trembled as she spoke. “I found this after she…after she died. She sent it before… God, Steve, she’s gone because of me.”

Steve stepped forward, gently placing his hand at the back of her neck, pulling her head to his shoulder. “No, Hazel,” he murmured, his voice smooth and unyielding. “None of us lifted a finger. It was her choice. Her own doing.”

Steve held her tightly. “You’re my only anchor now,” he said softly, his hand stroking her hair. His tone was oddly calm, as if nothing truly rattled him.

Hazel gave a slight nod, though her face remained haunted. Steve’s grip around her tightened, but his gaze held a glint of satisfaction, a twisted sense of relief. Peggy’s demise, as he saw it, had finally cleared the way.

Later, as guests continued offering their condolences, Bucky made his way to Steve. His handshake was firm, his voice steady. “Steve,” he said, his eyes meeting his in an unreadable gaze. “My deepest condolences. Peggy was… well, she was a force.”

Steve’s expression was solemn, though his eyes glinted with something inscrutable. “Thank you, Bucky,” he replied smoothly. “I know Peggy always respected you.”

Bucky paused, holding Steve’s gaze a second longer, as if searching for something beneath his composed exterior. “If there’s anything you or the boys need, don’t hesitate to let us know. We’re here for you.”

Steve gave a small nod. “I appreciate it, Bucky. Really. This will be hard for the boys, but we’ll get through it.”

Bucky’s jaw tightened as he stepped back, his gaze never leaving Steve’s. “Take care of yourself. And of them.” He glanced briefly toward William and Charles, whose solemn faces seemed carved in stone, their small hands clutching each other as they mourned.

When Bucky returned to your side, he was silent, his eyes hard with an unspoken realization. Both of you had been deceived by Steve’s flawless facade for years, but now, something dark and undeniable seemed to lie beneath.

🌸🌸🌸🌸

Three Weeks Later

Carol sat on the sofa, her eyes fixed on the TV screen where Steve’s face appeared at an international summit, calm and composed, every bit the statesman. She frowned, resting her chin on her hand. “It’s not even a month since Peggy’s passing, and already there’s talk about him looking for a new partner,” she muttered with a casual nonchalance. “Should I introduce him to one of my friends?”

Julius, seated across from her, snapped his head up, a look of disbelief etched onto his face. “Carol… you were Peggy’s friend. How can you talk like this?”

“Because I was her friend, I want what’s best for Steve,” Carol replied, dismissively scrolling through photos on her phone. “Peggy would want someone from our circle by his side, someone appropriate. Maybe Emily? Or Kelly?”

From across the room, Hazel’s voice interrupted, quiet but firm. “Mom, you don’t have to go through all that trouble.”

Carol looked up, her eyes sharp. “Oh, but I insist,” she said with a sigh of self-importance. “Steve’s in his prime. Women would kill to be with him. Even women your age, Hazel.”

Hazel paused, her teacup clinking against its saucer as her hand trembled slightly.

Carol turned to Julius with newfound excitement. “Maybe we should introduce him to your cousin who just got divorced. She’s still young, and she can bear children—Peggy would approve of someone in our league taking her place. Steve has a mistress. I don't want that woman took Peggy's place.”

"Carol. Stop," Julius said, his voice sharp, cutting through his wife rambling.

A flicker of annoyance sparking in her eyes. “What? Imagine having someone actually related to the President by blood," she insisted, folding her arms, her tone dismissive as if Julius didn’t understand the gravity of her idea.

Julius took a step closer, his face tightening. "We already have," he replied quietly.

Carol looked at him in disbelief, then scoffed. “I don’t mean Bucky," she shot back, waving a hand as if the idea were absurd. "He's still just the Vice President. And I don't even want to think about him having kids with that woman.”

Julius’s expression darkened, his jaw clenched as he leaned closer. "He won’t forgive you if he hears that," he warned, voice low and tight, the threat clear. He knew how much Bucky loves you, even Bucky already gave a warning to Caroline, she still won't accept it.

She felt the heat of his words but only tilted her chin up defiantly. Julius took a deep breath, struggling to contain his frustration. "Carol," he said in a grave tone, “I’m giving you a warning. This is the last time." His hand closed into a fist, and the silence that followed was thick, crackling with unspoken tension.

“Mom. You can stop now,” she said, her voice edged with a firmness that made both her parents turn. “There’s already someone from our family related to the president”

The room fell silent. Carol’s fingers froze on her phone, and Julius looked up from his drink, confused. Hazel met their eyes steadily.

“Nate,” she said, her voice just above a whisper, yet each word felt as though it struck with the force of a hammer. “Steve is Nate’s father.”

There was a stunned pause, a dead silence before Carol’s phone slipped from her hand and hit the floor with a loud clatter. Her face turned pale as her mind scrambled to process the revelation, her hand covering her mouth in shock.

“All this time,” Hazel continued, her voice quiet but steady, “you wanted to know who Nate’s father was. Now you know.”

Carol’s face twisted, disbelief transforming into a horrified expression. She lunged forward, gripping Hazel’s shoulders tightly, her nails digging in. “Tell me this is a joke,” she hissed.

“You… you always kept things to yourself, dropping these bombshells when we least expect it. You came home one day, huge belly, and just announced you were pregnant, like it was nothing.” Her voice wavered, a mixture of anger and desperation. “You made me hide my face from our friends, miss every gathering because of you!”

Hazel stayed silent, even as her mother’s words lashed against her.

“Haze—Hazel,” Julius interjected, his voice a strained whisper, barely able to meet her eyes. “Is this true?”

She nodded. “Yes, father.”

“But why him? Of all people… what could he possibly give you that we haven’t?” Carol’s voice quivered, the shock laced with bitterness.

Hazel met her mother’s eyes, unflinching. “Because he listened to me. He understood me.”

Julius’s face hardened. “We gave you everything, Hazel. How can you say that?”

She drew in a breath, her expression bitter. “That’s the problem. You gave me everything I never asked for. All I ever asked is for both of you as my parents to listened to me.”

Carol scoffed, her face paling as realization settled in. “Listening?” she muttered, rubbing her forehead as if it hurt. “You keep talking about that. I don’t even know what you mean.”

Hazel’s hands trembled slightly, but she steadied herself, her tone cold. “Do you remember when I told you my ballet teacher kept touching me? That’s why I quit. But you didn’t believe me because he was ‘experienced,’ and you said I was overreacting.”

A silence so heavy settled in the room that even the ticking clock seemed deafening. Carol’s face twisted with a fleeting look of guilt, but it passed quickly.

Hazel’s gaze shifted to Julius. “And you—do you remember when I told you I was drugged by your best friend’s son at that party I didn’t even want to go to? You made me go. I came home, barely able to stand…” Her voice broke, the words hanging heavily in the air.

Julius covered his face with his hand, his shoulders slumping as the reality crashed down on him.

“I am your daughter!” she yelled, the hurt and anger of years pouring out. “And all you did was listen to their excuses. That was my breaking point. That’s why I left.”

Julius’s face fell, and he murmured, almost to himself, “Then… you met Steve.”

Hazel nodded, her voice softening slightly. “I was vulnerable. And after hearing me out just once, do you know what he did?” She looked at her parents, her gaze hard and unwavering. “He made sure that ballet teacher never danced again. And that boy? He’ll never see daylight without a drug in his system.”

Carol heard the news that the former ballet teacher got into an accident, leaving him unable to move his fingers or toes. As for Julius, he heard from his friend that the son ended up in rehab. His case is worse than Shawn's.

Carol gasped, horror dawning in her eyes. “You’re the woman Peggy mentioned. The mistress…”

Hazel’s voice was a whisper, calm yet unyielding. “Yes. I’m the other woman. The homewrecker. Whatever you want to call me, I am it.”

For a moment, a heavy silence settled in the room. Hazel scoffed, looking from her mother to her father. “Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted? Your grandson is the President’s son, your son the youngest Vice President. Now you can tell that to all your friends.” She shot them a hollow, bitter smile, watching as her words landed. Carol looked down, her face flushed with shame, while Julius couldn’t bear to meet her gaze.

Turning, Hazel strode from the room, leaving her parents in stunned silence. For the first time, the weight of Peggy’s suicide note no longer haunted her. Steve had been right. Peggy’s death wasn’t her burden to bear. And with that realization, she walked away, shoulders straight, head held high.

In the deafening quiet that followed, Caroline sank onto the couch, feeling a mix of shame and a deep, gnawing guilt. She was beginning to understand. All those times she had cursed the “mistress” Peggy hinted at… it had been her own daughter.

“Julius,” she whispered, voice cracking as she reached out for her husband’s hand.

But there was no answer. Julius sat, staring into space, his face ashen. When she touched his shoulder, his body slumped.

“Julius!” she screamed, shaking him, but he didn’t respond. Her world spun as panic surged, echoing her daughter’s revelation with one devastating blow after another.

Julius suffered a stroke and required emergency surgery, leaving the family on edge as they gathered at the hospital. The fluorescent lights flickered overhead, casting a harsh glow over the sterile waiting room. You and Bucky arrived, and he turned to you, his brow furrowed with concern. “Where’s Hazel?” he asked, scanning the area for any sign of her.

“Don’t. Mention that name,” Caroline snapped, her voice taut with tension. “That girl has ruined Peggy’s marriage.”

Bucky’s eyes widened in disbelief. “You knew?” he pressed, the shock evident in his tone.

Caroline's eyes flared, realization dawning on her. “Wait! You knew all this time?” She stepped forward, her hands gripping his collar, her fury palpable. The Secret Service agents on standby instinctively moved closer, but Bucky raised a hand, stopping them. “Stand outside. This is a family matter, and keep this secret,” he commanded. They nodded reluctantly, stepping away but keeping their ears perked for any sign of trouble.

“No wonder why Steve chose us,” Caroline sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly as the weight of the situation settled in. “But I still can’t accept this. No, I don’t. He used Hazel's innocence.” Her laughter was manic, echoing off the walls, a bitter sound that filled the room.

“Does he think he can underestimate me? He’s just a nobody without a strong background. He’s nothing without the Carters.” Caroline’s voice dripped with disdain as she spat the words, but when she noticed Bucky’s silence, her eyes narrowed.

“You have a plan, don’t you?”

Bucky nodded, his expression serious. “I do.”

“Good. Me too,” Caroline replied, her tone fierce. “I won’t accept being humiliated.”

🌸🌸🌸🌸

Bucky turned his gaze to you, his expression shifting from determination to concern. “Dear,” he said, his voice steady but laced with urgency.

“Hmm?” you replied, sensing the gravity in his tone.

“I’m telling you right now,” he began, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that sent a shiver down your spine, “from this moment, everything is going to turn ugly. You might end up hating me in the end.”

You felt the knot in your stomach tighten. Why is he telling me this?

“I told you before, you could stab me, poison me,” he continued, his voice unwavering. “I meant it. You could do it when you felt that I was way out of line.”

He’s serious, you thought, a mix of fear and disbelief coursing through you.

“You should’ve said this before I married into the Barnes family,” you shot back, your tone sharper than intended, but the weight of his words hung heavily in the air between you.

Bucky’s eyes softened slightly, yet his resolve remained. “I never wanted you to be caught in the crossfire.”

His jaw tense, and he took a deep breath as if preparing for the weight of the world. “If this is too much for you,” he said, his voice steady but low, “you could leave.” Also, the one-year agreement to help him is coming to an end.

The finality of his words struck you like a punch to the gut, and you felt a flicker of panic surge through you. “No. I won’t leave,” you responded fiercely, the conviction in your voice surprising even yourself.

Bucky’s brow furrowed, and he studied you, as if searching for signs of doubt in your eyes. But all he found was unwavering resolve. “You really mean that?” he asked, his voice almost a whisper, a blend of surprise and hope.

You nodded, a small smile breaking through the tension. “The first time, it was me helping you become vice president,” you reminded him, your heart racing with the unspoken promise that lingered between you. “Now, I’ll be beside you as you become president. I won’t let this position slip away to another woman.”

“Then let’s face this together,” he murmured, his breath warm against your skin. The space between you charged with anticipation, every unspoken feeling bubbling to the surface. The world outside faded away, leaving just the two of you in this moment.

A slow smile spread across Bucky’s face, warmth radiating from him. The tension that had permeated the air shifted into something different—something electric. In that moment, the world around you faded, leaving only the two of you and the undeniable connection you shared.

Bucky leaned in slightly, closing the distance between you, and your breaths mingled in the charged space. The weight of your words hung in the air, promising both conflict and a shared future. You reached out, your fingers grazing his jaw, feeling the warmth of his skin under your touch.

He moved closer, tilting his head slightly as if to capture the moment forever. The longing that had been building between you ignited, and without thinking, you both closed the gap.

The kiss was genuine, filled with unspoken promises and a shared understanding of the battles ahead. It was tender yet passionate, a release of the tension that had held you both captive for far too long. As your lips met, time seemed to stand still, the world outside forgotten. In that moment, you were not just allies in a political game but partners, united in a bond deeper than either of you had anticipated.

When you finally pulled back, your foreheads rested against each other, breaths mingling in the charged air. You could see the reflection of hope and determination in his eyes, and for the first time in a long while, you felt like you could face whatever challenges lay ahead—together.

Author Note : The next chapter will be the end.

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[taragreenfield]

Alright, so I finally finished the entire series and I have to say—it was strange. You know what I kept wondering? Why did the Darkling even want to meet Alina in the first place?

And then, why would he say his real name in front of everyone if it was supposed to be a secret and he didn’t want anyone but Alina to know?

Was Zoya really more powerful than the Darkling in the two Nikolai books?

What was the whole deal with that dragon power anyway—was it truly stronger than the Darkling?

Also, didn’t Zoya see the Darkling’s pain? If so, why was everyone so cruel to him even though everything he did was for the sake of saving Ravka?

Hi, anon!

Full disclosure: I haven't read Zoya's duology; I've only read a plot summary and saw some scenes people posted here on Tumblr (and hated every single one of those scenes). Not only does nothing about those books make sense, but the whole sanctimonious, hypocritical tone is absolutely nauseating.

Zoya is a disgusting self-important mutt. She treats everyone like dirt, she is demeaning to her subordinates, she's unreasonably aggressive and unable to control herself. Everything about her screams she shouldn't be allowed in charge of anything, let alone the whole country. Yet the author tried so hard to make Zoya look cool she probably strained a few muscles. The whole magic system is rewritten so that Zoya could have more consequence-free powers, her already wacky thematic arcs now have no point at all: if Alina had to be punished for having three amplifiers, why does Zoya get to have all Grisha powers, and also a queen, a saint, and a goddamn dragon-shifter all once with no consequences whatsoever? Zoya is also given more oppression points possibly to make us feel bad for disliking her (she's now brown, used to be a child bride and a self-proclaimed Darkling's "victim"). The reality conveniently bends itself backwards so Zoya could remain victorious: Grisha-hating Fjerdans somehow don't see a Grisha turning into a dragon as another proof of Grisha being unnatural abominations and start worshipping her instead, Ravkan nobles, previously prejudiced against Grisha and Suli are apparently completely okay with having a queen who is both of those things. None of Zoya's "achievements" is a result of her hard work or her innovative ideas, the dragon thing is a total deus ex machina that works only because the author says it does.

Alina is completely lobotomized and can only say that she is absolutely happy to be powerless and isolated before Mal wraps a shawl around her shoulders as if she's his frail, senile grandmother. Why did Aleksander want to see her? My guess is that while Bardugo hates Darklina shippers, she still wants them to buy her books, so she tries to play for both teams: give him a sentimental reason (apparently Alina makes him feel like a human), and then tries to spin it as a ploy to stab her and regain his powers. Sasha also tells Alina she's nothing now, which of course gives antis a perfect reason to scream: "you see! He doesn't care about her, he only wants her power!". By the way, I completely agree about Alina being nothing. I've been saying it since book one.

Why did the Darkling tell everyone his name? Honestly, not sure, it didn't make much sense, but the only thing I liked about that cringe-fest is that he didn't regret anything. That's my boy.

Finally, addressing your last question: they are so cruel to him because they are disgusting, self-absorbed, hypocritical assholes. They don't care about anything and anyone but themselves and their precious little feelings. Jarl Brum, a literal nazi cult leader, is given another chance. He's responsible for killing and torturing countless Grisha, but none of them are Zoya's aunts, so it's alright, he can live. The King, directly responsible for Genya's sexual abuse, is alive and well, free to rape more maids, yet none of our self-righteous "heroes" cares about that. Whoever falls victim to the King next won't be placed there by the Darkling, so who cares what will happen to them? Zoya shrieks like a goddamn banshee about the Darkling using young girls as a weapon, yet she bullies 16-year-old Nina and sends her on a dangerous mission. Even the scene where that gang of sanctimonious morons decides to put Aleksander out of his misery is completely revolting because, once again, they make it all about themselves. They want to do it because they are worried letting him suffer for too long will make them look bad, and this is 100% selfish and performative.

Thanks for the ask!

[stars-and-darkness]

hi! saw that you're a darklina fan...do you have any good fic recs? loved your darklina fics btw

i am a darklina fan (my beatiful toxic shaylasssss, they are so unwell), though ironically enough over the years i've come to prefer the books to the show, meaning my own fics aren't to my taste now ashdjhdjkdfnh

but i'll never pass up on an opportunity to rec stuff, so:

show-based stuff:

All Is Bliss (Until Someone Loses An Eye) by AquitaineQueen24

'There is this; Kirigan is going to hate sharing his big find with Peter and the Apparat. You’ll look like a saint incarnate when the Emperor starts screaming and throwing a tantrum.’ ‘Indeed. Praise saints for once that I’m married to a complete and utter moron.’ Empress Catherine may have only wanted to change the world for a few days at this point, but that in no way means that General Kirigan is permitted to monopolize the Sun Summoner. General Kirigan, who has been planning to change the world for nearly three hundred years, thinks the new Empress is very sweet. Emperor Peter just wants people to be afraid...of how much they love him. (Why doesn't the Empress love him?!?!) Alina Starkova very much wants to change the world, but also wants everyone else to calm the hell down and stop trying to recruit her for their coup.

Ember Island Players Present: SOL KOROLEVA by PresidentHades

SOL KOROLEVA is a new production from acclaimed playwright Aidoneus Prazident. She has scoured all of Ravka gathering information on the Sun Summoner Alina Starkov. Her sources include the orphanage matron at Keramzin, First Army officers, Little Palace chambermaids, a stableboy, and a plethora of acerbically witty diary entries from an anonymous contributor. This production is brought to you by the critically acclaimed Ember Island Players.

The Book of the Raven by qqueenofhades

To my dear and unfortunate successor: I have debated for many years whether I should finally commit this story to paper. In one sense, the decision might seem easy: I am a historian, after all, and the reconstruction and understanding of the past is our profession’s stock in trade. But there is always the question of where it crosses over into autobiography, where scholarly objectivity gives way to subjective memory, where one cannot always be sure that the historian is, in fact, the best person to tell the historian’s own story. Does the weight of academic responsibility, of factual clarity, of reconstructing events as they truly “were” (itself an utter fallacy, but that is a discussion for later), overrule the understandably human impulse to make it a better tale, to clean it up around the edges, to present one’s own actions in the most benevolent and justifiable light? Despite my unique circumstances, I am no more free from that impulse than anyone else, and so I must ask whether you are willing to trust me as the narrator of my own history.

Social Sciences by yrulikethis

Extremely private Professor Morozova simps over happily married Sunshine-y oversharer Professor Starkov. Gossip and speculation ensues.

Our Lines in the Sand by GaleSentinal

In which being an orphan, a soldier, and a cartographer is more integral to Alina’s identity and she pays attention to the world around her. Meanwhile spending some 400 years in power confers certain advantages to the Darkling, but also certain blind spots. In this fight to secure a better tomorrow, both will be confronted with the same question: What are they willing to sacrifice in order to win? A reworking of the series from the ground up, where the politics are more realistic, grisha abilities are more than just magic artillery, people aren't inexplicably stupid, the religion and history are more present, everyone has an agenda, everyone has their secrets, and imperfect people love, struggle, laugh, fight and strive for a world that they can live with.

kato stara rana e nashata lyubov, mili moĭ by Darnaguen

First part of a trilogy of forehead kisses I promised to write for a Tumblr prompt. I chose Netflix's new Shadow and Bone as the subject against my better judgement, having not read the books it's based on. So… be gentle?

Saints and Sinners (Are you the Hunter or the Prey?) by BrytteMystere

Through the centuries, they change the world, and are changed by it in turn.

Ten Suns in the Sky by PresidentHades

Alina has a happy childhood in a border town that never gets razed. Her father is a clever otkazat’sya blacksmith who labors over creations to rival any Fabrikator’s. Her mother is a Shu Inferni who teaches her daughter to embrace the sunlight in her hands and their heritage. When the family makes a fateful attempt to cross the Fold, the Darkling finds not a pawn but a queen.

kołysanka by Darnaguen

“Sing me a song, Alina.”

book-based stuff:

backstage behaviour by limnaeus

“If you told them the sky is green, they would believe you. If you told them to, they’d kill themselves trying to attack the Grand Palace. Are your fanatics so different to my loyalists?” It is an alluring thought, an intriguing power she hasn’t mastered – shouldn’t even attempt to master – half as much as the sunlight. It is a fine line she must perch on. He doesn’t realize there is also danger in being so loved. Her devotes would tear her to pieces just to keep a part of her with them. They would spit on her and burn her as soon as they found out just how little of a saint she truly is. Or; Alina is a Saint and the Darkling is into it - for political reasons, of course. A visitation of plans and prayers and Ravka's destructive love.

Serendipity by DukeOfDucks

It was him but she had never seen him like this, not even when he had collapsed in her arms, a dagger in his heart. He was still the same— the sharp jawline, the pale skin, the lips— and yet his cheeks were stained red like a child in a fever. His quartz grey eyes were half-lidded, unfocused yet looking up at her, and his perfect lips were parted to let out small struggling pants. His cheekbones had always been sharp, but now he was downright gaunt, and she wondered when he had last eaten. “Alina,” he finally whispered, so quietly it could have been the wind murmuring in her ears. She leaned closer, her hand still on his shoulder, not pulling away when he wrapped his own around her wrist again. “I didn’t know where else to go,”

Three's a Crowd by InsectKin

Alina and Mal's quiet night in Keramzin is interrupted by a newly not-dead visitor. They never made a very good trio.

To Demand Aim by manico_del_lume

To be immortal is to often pick up new hobbies: it keeps life interesting. This time, the Darkling tries out darts.

Saint of Heretics by NoAngelKnows

For six hundred years Sankta Alina has ruled as the physical personification of the nation of Ravka's spiritual and national identity. With the persecuted Grisha flocking to her side as a fanatically devoted army and aligning with the Lantsov family to establish an unbroken line of ruling tsars, under her reign Ravka has risen from a dark age of unending warfare to a unified kingdom bound by peace. But after six hundred years under the heat of an unrelenting queen of the sun, Ravka is suffocating from the traditions and laws of the past. Once meant simply to preserve and protect Ravkan culture and lives, it is employed to ruthlessly strangle and suppresses any attempt of progress. Now the land is boiling with rebellion and revolution and the question is being whispered all over the land: "If the people have grown ready to rule themselves, what place is there for the ancient Mother of Ravka?" Then, down from a mountainside in the heart of Ravka, comes a black-haired boy with grey eyes and a power unseen in any Grisha for six hundred years. The scales are precariously balanced, which side will his power uplift and which will it bring low?

Worst Laid Plans by goblins_riddles_frocks

(fair warning, this one's darknikolina)

Nikolai seeks to make alliances with both sides of Ravka’s civil war.

Winter in the Little Palace by redsixwing

Baghra and Alina's wildly different perspectives on the Darkling, and how things could have gone if nobody listened to Baghra.

The Silence of Your Touch by goatsandgangsters

Set during Ruin & Rising. After Alina first uses their connection, she wants more. Only this time, he isn’t alone. But that just makes it more fun. Or, “How to Frustrate (in more ways than one) Someone Who Can’t Talk Back: An Exploratory Study ft. Alina Starkov” — In her quiet moments, she would pick it up and study it, like a rare and beautiful gem. The sharp lines of his face. The slant of sunlight through the window. The stillness of him, the hitch in his breath, the waver on the edge of a precipice he so wanted to fall into. She had known that feeling many a time, the waiting, the wanting, the lure of it. But she hadn’t expected to see it in him. She wanted to see it again, the catch of his breath. She wanted to know what she could do to him.

Fata Morgana by DukeOfDucks

The future is bright. Bright with the strength of an ardent sun. Hot with the blaze of all-consuming grief.

Vulnerability by goblins_riddles_frocks

Alina visits the Darkling and finds him unconscious, still recovering from their last encounter in the chapel.

i am singing now as rome burns (mash your mouth against me) by bellemon

“Don’t say her name. You killed her,” he hisses, fingers closing around her neck, even as his thumb caresses the curve of her throat, even as his fingers intertwine with the fall of hair that lies at her nape. “She died for you.” “She died because of you,” Alina snarls, even as she leans into his touch, even as she hates herself for it. “We both killed her.” He gives a growl of rage and surges toward her. For a moment, the rage in Alina’s heart gives way to fear, to relief, to desire. He’s going to kill me. But then he is kissing her, lips crashing against hers like flint on steel, and isn’t that the same thing? ---- Alina does not resist the pull of their tether. The Darkling welcomes her in his own way. (Or, Alina and The Darkling are just two people hiding their Thirst through power plays)

[sad-outsider]

Did the Darkling seduce Alina?

"I needed your loyalty" Yes, that’s why you were almost never around, and all your seduction was limited to one awkward kiss and loss of control over your feelings during the Winter Fete🙄

My opinion? He is openly lying here (although here he is not even completely lying, rather he does not answer directly, after which he takes the conversation in a different direction). Yes, he needed Alina’s loyalty, but he didn’t choose the method, his awakened feelings did it for him. And he hates it because he thinks it's weakness. Therefore, he lies that all his awkward courtship were manipulation, because otherwise he would have burned with shame.

And Alina is only glad to hear another confirmation that all the feelings that he feels for her are lies and manipulations; of course, she will not question his words. So it’s much easier, right, Alina?

[dreamerwitches]

WITCH THOUGHTS LET'S GOOOOO!

THEY IMPROVED CARMELA THANK FUCK! They did it for me..! ^v^ She is WAY more coordinated and the colours are sooo nice! The frilly skirt bit is soooo cute! I love how she kinda looks like an octopus or some kind of sea creature. Not sure how well that links with Manaka but eh. I don't think there's much I dislike here. Perhaps the knife rack thing is a little out of place? Not sure. Now as the witch from the doppel hmmmm it seems like the circular bit is completely lost... for link-age, that's not great but getting rid of it to make the design better, i am wholeheartedly down for. She is a big win for me!

Obariyon. I'm hmmmmm not sure. I don't hate it. Why does its head look like a bear? Is it cause like... Obeariyon..? I just don't know if this would be what I'd imagine the full witch to be... The doppel makes me think more of an insect or something whereas this is going for a mammal it seems. It's good but I'm on the fence whether I personally like it.

From the silhouette from the trailer I was super worried about Hevelius but I think I like her? I think her shape is interesting and as stupid as the head is, I think it's fun. But I do have gripes. I'm a bit bothered that the white fabric bit that was so focal before is just completely gone and the head piece and veil is completely removed, like c'mon, that could've been super pretty on her head. And I'm not sure about the coral-looking uhhh thing. And I hate those legs why do they look unfinished? As I rack up the complaints maybe I don't like it..? Hm... I feel like I could improve it using that shape base though. She's fine.

Also... THE HEAD LOOKS LIKE THAT MANNEQUIN HEAD FROM RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER ITS NAME

Now we're getting onto the ones I super like again wheeee! I think Pennen Nolde is so fun, the little matchstick girl theme is ace! I'm sad some super cool aspects of the doppel are gone though... I loved the matchstick thing and the lace and hanging diamonds but eh, maybe they just didn't fit. She's good and I can see it working the other way if the doppel came second. Although the legs are simple, I think the doll legs work and aren't bland like Hevelius'

Pennen Nemenu, ough, I think she's beautiful! I think she takes from the doppel super well! I miss the weird teapot head but I think the head they chose is also cool. Maybe add the tassels onto the end of the hat thing? I love how the main body is utilised into her bloomers (one thing I was sad was missed about Nolde) and she's super cute. My only gripe is her body shape, she is a child she does not need a stick thin waist and boobs, thank you

Now I did notice that these last 3 doppels share a similar body shape and I get that for important, linked characters. I don't think it's a bad thing cause they're all unique enough on their own.

And back to disappointed. My fears came true, I did not want her witch to just be the Nightmare-esque part... sigh... it doesn't even take from it well... no ears? Hair completely wrong colour, face completely different, stripes going wrong way. Like, I get it. Gas mask for poisons, bandage on head for uhh illness (i dont know enough about Alina but she was in the hospital right?) but it's not her doppel. Disappointing.

[lilisouless]

I have read the Grisha Trilogy and seen the show, obviously, and always liked the idea of Alina being single.

But you seem to like Malina. Could you please give insight as to why?

Hi, i don’t have a problem with single Alina as an opinion , I mean it’s probably someone who cares about Alina herself so it’s nothing to dislike. I get there are fandom discourse about leaving a woman single with intentions of just getting rid of her from a ship or (in a lot of cases of female characters of color) because they have problem with them being in a romantic relationship because they can’t wrap their mind around it for a benevolent racism. Neither seems to be the case of Alina so single Alina is cool ,as long as there’s no Mal hate or at the very least is not an hypocritical view of him in comparison of other male characters.

Now your question first: everyone told me Mal was an abuser who forced Alina to give up her powers. So,that’s gonna be a bias, i certainly don’t know if my enjoyment would have been different without that. For the record, since Shadow and Bone i quickly called bullshit on it because even at his worst he certainly didn’t seem like he would do something like that.

Why I like them? They have some of the most romantic scenes in the whole series, to me it’s the kiss on the cell and when Mal saves her from the debris. It’s not the most complex development and has it issues but it’s very undoubtedly that they loved each other so for me was pretty simple: If Alina loves him and he loves her, then that’s good enough for a happy ending.

The first two books pretty much end up in that ,they might fight and have disagreements but they will shallow their pride for the sake of the other, and that their love for each other is stronger than their flaws. By R&R I’d say they have started to understand each other: For Alina, Mal,the guy who fit everywhere he went,actually never felt he belonged anywhere, she was her only real friend. Mal oth realizes that Alina,the girl who always made him happy, always felt insecure and down, they realize they took each other for granted (him more than her,to be fair) and Mal specially are trying to make up for it, finding out that,after all,they were actually the only person that understood each other; they have pretty much given up on their identity, Mal embraced a fate of being a martyr for Alina and she embracing being a matyr for Ravka , so their false death gave them a shot to be another person, a sacrifice that was both of their powers but allow them to be themselves (ironically taking in count they are having fake identities)

To add, they don’t have what happens with other fictional couples when you wonder “what does this people do when they are not whining about not being able to be together” because their relationship is shown as stablished and have some banther, both are kind of dorky that think the other is cool , they have fun together and are pretty unashamedly loving with each other

So, i don’t want to make a long post,so that’s the short answer, I don’t think there’s anything bad with wanting Alina to be single but there’s nothing bad or narrative betraying with her ending up with Mal either

[aleksanderscult]

I don't understand how Leigh Bardugo could write something as bad as King of Scars and a trilogy as average and problematic in its messages as Grisha ?!

Knowing that she also wrote Six of Crows which was very good for me, limits most people to only knowing that about the Grishaverse (even if, if you take it in the context of the original trilogy, that makes the fate of the Grisha and of the Darkling even worse)... The Language of Thorns with some really cool stories, the Demon in The Wood (which makes you wonder even more why the Darkling is supposed to be the fucking bad guy in the original trilogy and die at the end ?!). Not forgetting recently The Ninth House which has 2 very good volumes and the beginning of The Familiar.

I have a hard time understanding how she can produce good things and such bad things.

I hear that not everyone is perfect, but for me the gap is still huge.

And the most paradoxical thing is that while she seems to gradually improve her way of writing, at no time does she acknowledge having made questionable choices in the writing of Grisha ?

Just see her attempt at moralizing backpedaling with the King of Scars duology...

TW!: Genocide

I don't think she knows or even cares about how genocide and prejudice in real life are not how she portrays them. And they definitely don't vanish by magical means. Clearly she put them in her story as a dramatic effect but she handled it with such unrealism and carelessness that makes you wonder what was the point of putting such issues in her book in the first place. She places such importance to the romance part (Mal × Alina, Kaz × Inej, Nina × Matthias) that the problems of her world take a third place in her books.

Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom weren't such flawed because the heroes there did some personal jobs and didn't have a humanitarian goal. Kaz, in particular, has made it clear that he doesn't give a fuck about the world, only about his pocket. So they were some pretty straightforward books and well-written enough that you cannot see the issues.

But in the trilogy we have this huge war going on while the protagonist wails about her love interest, kills her enemy at his weakest (so no flex of her powers against him) and other people vanish the Fold for her.

In the duology Bardugo wanted to get back to her own readers:

- "People dislike Zoya. Hmm... Let's make her Suli with a very sad background. Also let's make her the most important character among the heroes just for these haters to shut up. Because if they don't, they'll be racists and misogynists"

- "People love the Darkling. Hmm.... Let's remind those readers of mine what he has done by having Zoya conjure up every delulu thought about him. Also let's have Mal, Alina, Zoya, Nikolai and freaking Misha make him shut up and look stupid"

- "Ah shit they love Aleksander too much. Ok how about this. I'm gonna make the Starless Cult out of them to prove how blind they look"

- "People didn't like the R&R ending. Hmm.... Let's bring Alina back and have her say how happy and peaceful she feels with her current state"

- "People hate Mal. Hmm... Let's have him be likable and funny while thwarting Aleksander's comments like a pro. It's not like he isn't a hot-tempered guy or smth"

(and about bringing the Darkling back, this was lazy writing. Instead of making the heroes face new foes from the north and south, she recycled villains)

By the way, when the TV adaptation of S&B came out she said that she wanted to fix the diversity. Can you imagine that? Not book!Alina as a character, not the trilogy's ending (not protesting on that cruel scene on the show where the Crows gleefully kill the Grisha that stood with the Darkling) but the diversity. Season two's ending was the showrunner's idea as well as Mal's change of personality, not Bardugo's.

Anyway, she should stay on writing short stories. I really love the Language of Thorns and Demon in the Wood so why ruin your fictional world further?

[carriehobbs]

For Alina! and maybe Ella too! (And/or anyone who sparks joy!)

⚰️ - Someone they lost (not necessarily dead)

💌 - First crush/love

💢 - Person they can't stand

ty pd 🥰🥰

i was thinking to myself "these answers won't be too long, they don't need to go under the cut" but that was just hubris speaking

Alina

⚰️ - Someone they lost (not necessarily dead)

obviously rook, which is complicated for alina. she doesn't really have a lot of memories of rook because she was so young when he died - sometimes she thinks she has impressions, but they're so vague and unclear that she can't really tell if she's actually remembering something or if she wants to remember so much that she's created a false memory of him. i think, deep down, she misses the chance she could have had to know him and the life and relationship she could have had with him more than she misses rook, but it would make her feel terrible to say "i miss who you could have been to me more than i miss who you were" (even if it's only because of her lack of memories of him), so she doesn't admit that even to herself and has convinced herself and everyone else she mourns and misses him, if that makes sense.

💌 - First crush/love

i think alina's first crush was when she was in middle school, but i don't think she recognized it as a crush at the time. it was probably on another girl in her class, and alina had convinced herself that she wanted to be this girl's friend and that's what all those feelings were about. her first love was bobby.

💢 - Person they can't stand

MAYOR FRIEDMAN AND BOBBY

bobby is pretty self-explanatory (broke her heart, stole her work, she blames him for sabotaging her future, etc. the usual stuff).

she also hates mayor friedman's guts for real and forever. she's my only detective on the douglas route (she hates bobby so much he's not even showing up as a significant character in her story 😤) but this means she gets to know douglas better. yes, his crush on her makes her uncomfortable because he's a kid and she's with nate and even if those things weren't true she wouldn't be interested anyway, but she feels so bad for him. he's at such a confusing point in his life and he wants his father's approval so badly but can't and won't get it no matter what he does and (on his route) she can see that he's growing so much personally and professionally (the scene in b3 where he admits to being scared 😭 broke alina's heart). he brings out her maternal instincts. but this means that mayor friedman cannot escape her wrath. she will be polite to him to a fault because she is a consummate professional but she is hoping that horrible things happen to him.

Ella

⚰️ - Someone they lost (not necessarily dead)

hope :(

they will reunite though!!!! if ella has any say in it whatsoever!! she will wear hope down and then they will see each other in person again :)

💌 - First crush/love

canonically it was cassidy jones, one of their bullies in high school (who bullied her for everything except ella's feelings for her). i think there may have been little bits of fleeting interest here or there in middle school and stuff, but nothing notable or that i think ella really would have registered as being "a crush".

💢 - Person they can't stand

clarence garfield. i talk a bit here about why ella doesn't respect him but to summarize she thinks he's close-minded and prejudiced.

[that-one-i-think]

Something I have done purposefully is making it so Aphmau and Liochant look vaguely alike. With Aphmau being Hispanic and Liochant being Indian, they both share similar features of brown skin, black hair, deep brown eyes, and strong noses. I have a few reason as to why I wanted to make them look similar, so here is why.

Liochant looking somewhat similar to Aphmau, it means he can safely pass Alina off as being related to him in case of emergencey. This was one of the major reasons Katelyn assigned him to be the girls guard, he can say that Alina is his without much complaint. "A small brown child the child of a brown man? She might take a bit after her mother but it checks out." (Both Aphmau and Aaron were brown, tan at the very least, Alina is not white, I am not sorry.)

It shows how stupid the hate towards him is by the people when he looks like their savior. Aphmau looks just as foreign as he does yet she was accepted easily even before she was found to be Irene. She was never turned away yet Liochant is at almost every chance. The hatred of him is because of the association of his looks with foreignity yet if a person were to make him stand next to Aphmau and point out the features that make him foreign, they would end up insulting her.

I can make "Garroth has a type" jokes. Purely for my own amusement and dialogue for Katelyn and eventually his mom. Factor in Laurence who I have as Spanish, makes it even funnier and more true. While Laurance is a bit of an outlier given his other features, (green eyes, blonde hair, etc) he still fits rather well for the purposes of jokes. It will also give Garrotht he panic of "Did I fall for Liochant because he looks like Aphmau?" before he takes a look at curly black hair, bearded, tattooed, and 5'10 Liochant and realizes he's good.

[stromuprisahat]

The only thing that was at least partly able to make Alina realize something's wrong with their relationship, and stand up to Malyen, was her power.

Not seeing the outside world, because she never let it touch her.

Not being Grisha, because she never truly accepted the identity with everything it entails, but the joy of summoning the Light belonging to her only.

And it was violently ripped out of her, distributed among a bunch of fanatical randos, so she has to seek the only certainty her life provided her with, no matter how harmful.

[ludarklina-fan-spot]

In the show Alina makes a speech about the stag picking her so that is why she can have the stag's power and Sasha can't but in series 2 I am pretty sure The Sea Whip did not offer it'sself up to Alina and very much wanted to live in it's cosy cave undisturbed. I don't think it got a chance to demonstrate whether or not it could want to be her Amplifier whereas Sasha. Mal and The Stag could.

Alina does get it's power but I am wondering if what Alina tells Sasha on the skiff is correct?

This isn't a hate post about Alina but I am questioning her grasp on logic and am wishing they had shot series 2 in an entirely different way. If you do reply to this post please keep it hate free, this is research for a blog.

If there's something I missed in series 2, please let me know, I haven't watched it in .... I only watched it once.

[chairteeth]

“Nemu Hiiragi: The Shadow”

The promised Magius Nemu essay arrives. I have given up on proper essay formatting and will simply leave my analyses in semi-rant form because my brain is too chaotic and goes on too many tangents. It cannot be tamed. Informal essay under the cut!

So. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has heard others refer to Nemu as a shadow, Touka 2.0, or some other frankly reductive term. Most of the time, unless her creations come up, she’s not discussed at all, and even then… barely. That’s not exactly surprising. Given Nemu’s normally calm demeanor, and the fact that she and Touka are joined at the hip, it’s only natural that Touka would be the one to get the most attention, the one who stands out. Where Touka is the boisterous sun, Nemu is the humble moon. Today, we turn our eyes to the moon.

There is so much to talk about when it comes to Magius Nemu and pretty much all of it is going to make you really sad. Much like Touka and all other magical girls, she led a double life the entire time, but in her case, when she “traded one terminal illness for another” she got the short end of the stick. Imagine being a writer and discovering that your magic allows you to give physical form to your stories, to breathe life into your creations—literally. Now picture finding out later down the line that each time you use it, it consumes so much magic that it shaves off pieces of your very life force. That’s one slap in the face. But, it gets worse.

Let me lay out everything we know about how Magius Nemu’s sacrifices affected her physically, and how each of the people around her responded to her worsening condition. First, we know it causes pain severe enough to temporarily affect her vision and speech, and severe enough to make her fall to the ground, though she doesn’t always faint from it. We know it inflicts exhaustion and that even something like releasing an uwasa for the first time can make her pass out on the spot, so presumably it’s a lengthy process that takes a toll on her at every stage (well not sure about conceptualization, but creation and release definitely do). A voiced example of one of these episodes is in Arc 1 Chapter 8, 4:02:36 - 4:03:43 if you're watching the video.

Now, as for the people around Nemu, starting from more distant to closest. Her family? Oblivious, responsible for her state of emotional deprivation and for several other issues. Alina? Ehh she seems to either not care or care very little, which is properly Alina-esque of her. Mifuyu? Oh let me talk about MIFUYU for a second. Disclaimer, despite her many sins committed against my favorite characters, I do love the sheep, she’s too much of a failure, I cannot hate her. But Mifuyu “I want to be a nurse” Azusa is insensitive beyond belief, and I was honestly surprised when they appointed her to be some sort of… ethics teacher for Touka? Bruh. You see, an MGS is supposed to put us in the shoes of whatever character it’s about. That’s what it does. However my brain is broken and perceives the world from a TouNemu perspective by default. Which means I had a completely different reading of Mifuyu’s MGS. I am going to illustrate my point with screenshots this time because I happen to have them on hand.

Mifuyu says this about Touka and Nemu getting worked up over Alina wanting to prioritize witches above rumors. But. Here’s the thing. The thing that Mifuyu seems to be missing completely. Rumors are created by Nemu, through a sacrifice of her own life force that worsens her pain and makes her suffer more with each subsequent use. Evidently, the girls reply that no, they don’t think they were getting too emotional.

YOU THINK? Have you given any thought to why that could possibly be the case, Mifuyu? But, okay, fine, we can look past this. Alright. Next scene, it’s Touka and Nemu being upset that Yachiyo just destroyed the Divorce Stairs (I call them that, but for clarification, it’s the Friendship-Ending Staircase). I’m going to bring something up that I don’t believe is exactly contradicted by canon, though not confirmed either, but I’d be willing to believe by the fact that Nemu knows of Iroha (by name and I assume appearance) that there’s a psychic link of some kind between the uwasa and their creator. That would make sense, considering they are made of her magic and have pieces of her life force. If this is true, then that massacre Iroha and Yachiyo go on during Arc 1 Chapter 7 is far, far worse.

But alright, back to the scene. Touka is standing up for Nemu here, and Mifuyu proceeds to go and dismiss their feelings because, as she says in her thoughts, “they’re just children”. Okay, Mifuyu, hear me out. They’re 11-12. They’re not toddlers. Just because they’re children doesn’t make their emotions invalid, unimportant, or not worth considering. Particularly in this case, where they have a good reason to be upset. Nemu even mentions the life force she’s using up and Mifuyu’s first and only thought is “Yacchan…” (this is a repeating pattern).

The next relevant scene is one where Mifuyu does something Alina has also done and Touka hasn't: ask Nemu to make a rumor for her.

Nemu reminds her that it comes at a cost, and that she’s using up her life for this. Nemu gives in, of course. I will talk about this imminently. First though, the final scene of Mifuyu’s MGS. Where Mifuyu repeats the previous pattern but worse. How exactly is it worse? I’ll let the screenshots speak for themselves here. Nemu and Mifuyu meet at the shrine where the uwasa is going to be released, Nemu does the deed, and faints, then Mifuyu reacts like this:

These screenshots are less than a second apart. It is the immediate follow-up. Absolutely zero concern for one of the people she’s supposed to be responsible for who just did her a pretty big favor (as if you needed someone’s blood to open a door, they stabbed themselves to get you the blood, and then you left them on the ground in pain). So yes Mifuyu is insensitive and she is not helping Nemu’s view of adults. Relatedly, before I move to talking about Touka, since I’d like to actually end this on a non-depressing note, I’m going to circle back a little to Nemu’s family.

I am infamous for not liking Nemu’s family. Her parents, mainly. Her brother, for as much of a snotty brat as he is to her, is presumably still very tiny and has had scarce interactions with his sister, therefore leading to the way Nemu describes their relationship (“strangers”). As a slight aside, Nemu does try very hard to have a relationship with her brother, not only in her MGS, but in her solo Christmas quotes where she’s lost on what to get as a gift for a kid that likes soccer and asks Homescreen-chan for advice. And you see, Nemu has this thing where once you get past a certain point with her, she becomes a people pleaser. Unlike when Ui’s parents have visited before (seen in TouNemu’s Christmas MGS), Nemu was shocked to hear that her mother and brother had come to see her. This leads me to believe the visits are an extremely rare occurrence and that there is no other contact besides them. Ui’s parents at least video call her, from what the quotes say.

And now we have reached the point where it’s unavoidable and I have to talk about Nemu’s emotional trauma. Her family does not seem to know about her writing, which was a good call because it shielded her from much of the gifted kid trauma. However, that doesn’t mean her parents’ actions (or lack thereof) were without consequence. A lot of these might be subconscious, so bear with me a second. At this point in the timeline, Nemu struggles to believe that others will meet her needs or care for her. She seeks affirmation, acceptance, approval, and fortunately seems to get it in the form of her website and Touka during this era.

Let me give you some examples of Nemu’s people-pleasing tendencies, as any kid would learn that catering to the needs and desires of others can sometimes lead to a sense of belonging or validation—she explicitly wants that, she is aware that she wants to feel loved. This is immensely obvious with her family’s visits, where her first reaction isn’t good but then she plays along and puts up a happier face (which drops literally as soon as her mother and brother are out of the room), even apologizing for the slightest inconvenience regardless of whether or not the reaction to that inconvenience was bad (the book that was hard to find, the general Presence™ of her family in the room, apologizes again for talking about her feelings, etc). So that she doesn’t have to burden them with her feelings. So that her mother can feel like she’s fulfilled her duty by walking into the room, giving Nemu a rundown of what the family has been up to, and leaving without really actually spending any real quality time with her or bothering to really ask about her. Touka gets (righteously) angry in Nemu’s stead once her mother and brother have left precisely because of this. Nemu proceeds to, like many children in her position, defend her parents completely and then chastise herself for “looking down on them”. Touka and Ui both understand at least the heart of the issues at play here, and express as much. My point here isn’t exactly “Nemu’s parents are equivalent to Sana’s” or anything, it’s more that they’re extremely oblivious and their actions (and lack thereof) have hurt Nemu deeply.

That habit Nemu’s parents have of never truly showing interest in their daughter’s life seems to remain after the hospital, and then they’re focused on her brother’s comfort. Not Nemu’s. Never Nemu’s. Then, later on, in the Wings of the Magius, every time someone asks her to make a rumor (read: sacrifice a piece of her life force and make herself feel physically worse presumably forever), she agrees. Mifuyu asks her to, yeah sure. Alina wants a rumor? Of course. I won’t count when everyone asked her for stuff to add to Fendt Hope solely because I’m not sure Fendt Hope works like normal rumors do. Something, something, difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, struggling to distinguish her own needs from the needs of others…

A child who learned that her voice and desires were not prioritized in such critical stages of her life naturally struggles to articulate her own needs and wants. Prime example, Fendt Hope’s creation. She listens to the others give their ideas for it, never suggesting anything herself after reminding them of her usefulness. Until. Touka asks. When she does, Nemu seems almost taken aback. She apologizes. Nothing comes to mind. That very same day, she gets home, tries again to have some sort of positive interaction or time with her brother, gets rejected. As soon as an alternative form of service (doing the dishes for her exhausted mother so that she may help her brother with homework) presents itself, she practically jumps at the opportunity. The scene after that one, with the way she views Touka, Alina, and Mifuyu, vs the way she views her mother and brother, only makes this more obvious. How is Nemu supposed to feel any sense of value at home? At least as a magical girl, she’s useful. At least as a Magius, she has people who know her. The feelings of low self-worth aren’t as obvious on Nemu as they are on many of the other girls who have them, though.

The next time there’s a Magius meeting, this time to decide on a name for their base, Touka is again the one who asks Nemu for her opinion. It’s important to note that Touka is never once hostile, aggressive, or even annoyed when she does this. She considers Nemu’s thoughts and feelings more than anyone. Heck, Nemu would have no way to doubt Touka’s care for her considering their history and the way she acts.

Now I get to talk about the relationship between Magius Nemu and Magius Touka. If I start gushing incoherently, I apologize in advance. I covered a bit of Magius Touka’s attitude towards Nemu in the essay dedicated to her, and slightly in this one, but now I want to draw attention to how incredibly sweet Touka can be when it comes to Nemu. Nemu desperately needs that reliability and that love Touka provides, the hope she brings. And Touka is the one person who openly shows her care, attention. Over and over again.

Touka considers Nemu an equal. During the main story, as I said in my Magius Touka essay, she shows concern for Nemu’s health and wellbeing when no one else does. This goes beyond her magic-given affliction! I only wish we had more bits and pieces from that era, but as for what we do have… Well, I have to point at Nemu’s swimsuit costume story for the easiest and shortest point of reference. I’d use screenshots, but if I did, I would just end up showing you every single piece of dialogue and expression.

In that costume story, Touka and Nemu are at Fendt Hope, talking about their future trip to the beach (which they made plans for together in Touka’s swimsuit costume story). Nemu has her insecurities, and she’s shy about putting on the swimsuit, but then Touka proceeds to be incredibly supportive by first making her feel comfortable—for some reason she also had her own swimsuit lying around and offered to wear it too because Nemu mentioned it’d be embarrassing if she was the only one wearing a swimsuit and Touka was wearing clothes—then as soon as Nemu expresses self-doubt, she doubles down via genuine compliments (these two compliment each other way more than you think, even in main story Touka praises Nemu for her ideas). This is also a rare occasion where we’re shown that Nemu’s parents, or her mom at least, who seems more present than her dad, mean no harm, since it was Nemu’s mother who helped pick out every element of her swimsuit. After that, Touka goes off to change back into her school uniform, and Nemu is “uncharacteristically giddy” (as she states) looking at herself in the mirror. Touka gets back, and Nemu is startled to have been caught in a vulnerable state, but, critically, Touka is happy to see her happy and doesn’t tease her, although Nemu (jokingly, blushing) laments that letting Touka read her heart is the greatest failure of her life. Nemu asks Touka to listen. And Touka complies. Nemu trusts Touka with her heart, with her honest feelings, and knows Touka will never hurt her. That’s why she’s able to be so sincere with her. This is shown in Nemu’s Tap 8 quote, where she also refers to Touka as trustworthy (Touka has a matching Tap 8 quote, and hers is about how reliable Nemu is for her). This relationship, no matter what it is, is deeply important to both participants.

Finally, to end this glorified rant… I know I used the sun and moon metaphor earlier, but. I would like to borrow the words of Nemu in one of my fics: “It’s silent at night. Touka stays up with her telescope, I stay up reading nearby. We are stardust brought to life. A quiet place, just for us. The gentlest fire in us, like binary stars.” (I’m sorry but the binary stars comparison is too good not to mention). Their connection was there before the Magius, and after everything they went through, their lives became irreversibly bound, intertwined beyond the understanding of quite literally anyone else. They practically always speak in plural, the time they spend together has been on the rise, and at the time of writing? To avoid spoiling Arc 2 Chapter 12, I won’t go into specifics, but the relationship has reached a beautiful point that I will froth at the mouth about eventually.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the Nemu essay, I went slightly more feral this time so apologies for that. I’ll see how soon the hospital era essay can be thrown into the wild. Nishi out!

[myfairkatiecat]

Who's your least favorite KOTLC character and why?

OKAY.

So.

Least favorite IN UNIVERSE or least favorite AS A CHARACTER?

Because in universe, I have so much hatred for Lady Gisela that it isn’t even funny. How could you do ANY of this to your son. Like even Vespera, who is insanely ruthless, has the whole numb-empathy-making-it-so-nothing-feels-like-hurting-people thing making her 1% more sympathetic (she still sucks majorly—don’t get me started on the thing with the humans). But Gisela just does all of this to H E R. S O N. I dislike Cassius of course but Gisela was just cruel, especially for showing at least a little affection……and then always having been manipulating him and then CHANGING HIM WITHOUT HIS PERMISSION IN A WAY THAT COULD HAVE KILLED HIM??? Also who seals a creepy doorway with their tiny son’s blood that’s just SO MESSED UP. Like, NO. Stop being the way you are. Just stop. This isn’t even just because I love Keefe. Even if you hate Keefe you should despise Lady Gisela. I hope Keefe gets to stab her. Or Sophie. Or actually Fitz that could be so good, his act on behalf of his best friend who he hasn’t talked to enough lately. Actually all three of them could stab her. Actually the whole crew could do an Ides of March and just totally Julius Caesar her…. All of them get to stab her.

BUT. Gisela is a great character. So who do I hate as a character? Probably Timkin Heks actually. His existence just angers me and there isn’t any great redeeming value to him, other than the fact that he gives background to Stina’s family and that stuff gets a little interesting. Which probably means Shannon is doing a GREAT job with the way she write him cause we’re not supposed to like him. Or wait wait wait. Councillor Alina!! GET RID OF HER. We don’t need her. GONE. POOF. She serves a purpose in the story sure, but I don’t have to LIKE IT.

I would never choose to make Gisela vanish from the story—I would choose to let the Keeper crew get their revenge (especially Keefe) and destroy her entirely. But if I could never have to meet Timkin Heks and just know that he exists for plot reasons, I’d be chill with that. And if I could poof Councillor Alina out of existence, I totally would!! Sure there would have to be another council member being gross and annoying, but I have so much beef with this woman, like honestly I hope the rest of the council just banishes her.

Anyway those are my thoughts

[tirkdi]

Hey Hi

I am a huge zoyalai fan but I have had this one headcanon for a long time and after discovering your blog I thought maybe you'd be interested in discussing it.

The headcanon is that Zoya would not actually go for Nikolai pre KoS because he wasn't her type. Her type was Mal, even Tolya, someone simple, romantic, not wealthy, not in power and someone she could cast away if she felt trapped. I feel like she would avoid men who came into power through their birth or wealth because of what happened to her in her childhood. So zoyalai works mostly because they have been friends for years prior to becoming a couple.

I love that you came to me for this, anon!

This is admittedly not a headcanon I've ever considered. And I think there are a couple reasons for that.

The first reason is that I started shipping zoyalai years before King of Scars came out -- so well before we had any hint of that backstory -- and I wrote a little about why here. I don't think that backstory was something Bardugo had decided on before she wrote the OG trilogy (I think she would have written/treated Zoya differently if so) so I didn't get a sense that there was a mental barrier there for Zoya.

The second reason, which is related to why I didn't get a sense of that barrier, is that I one million percent, deep in my heart, believe that if the Darkling had shown even the slightest amount of sexual or romantic interest in her she would have jumped on that in zero seconds flat. If he'd wanted to make her ... Darklingista or whatever, there would have been absolutely no hesitation on her part.

SO. All that said. I think it is certainly possible to read that as a coping mechanism, right? She was going to be sold to a rich powerful man she did not choose, so one way to make sure that never happens again is to pick a rich and powerful man she does choose, the bonus being that then she has enough power and money to ensure that something like that never happens to her again.

For why she went after Mal ... I can't find the post where I went into this more but she literally picked him out of a crowd of filthy soldiers from the window of a moving vehicle. She didn't notice him because he was romantic (sorry my Mal hate is going to come out here) though I'd agree with you on him being simple. I felt like her going for him later was much more of a dig at Alina rather than any actual interest she had in Mal himself.

I do agree that Zoya and Nikolai work together because they have a friendship and a shared trauma. And importantly, so much of their romantic relationship happened after Zoya was queen and Nikolai was pretty much powerless – it's much easier and more satisfying to write that relationship, we avoid her own childhood trauma having to be dealt with too much (for better or worse), and it doesn't come off as pathetic on her part the way that her going after the Darkling would have.

[bookishwords]

“This is my home, I won't be chased out of it”

Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo

So, I finished re-reading the trilogy. I think I liked it better this time around. I wonder if that's because I already knew what was happening and was going into it with a certain expectation of not having the most fun? My memory is bad, so I did forget a lot of details that made the series still exciting to read.

This book. During my first read I absolutely hated it. I was forcing myself to rush through it because I wanted to finish it before the New Years. Obviously because of that I wasn't paying attention and reduced the book to just Alina and Mal wandering around Ravka looking for the Firebird and not much else happening.

However, there is so much more to this book. During the underground part in the White Chapel when the squad arranged that escape against the AppaRAT I genuinely believed for a second that Tolya and Tamar went against Alina and the Squad. Oh, how happy I was to read that it was all planned.

And then above ground when they get caught and Nikolai appears to save the day! I love Nikolai with my whole heart, and I was so happy to see him. During the part where he gave Alina the emerald ring I was thinking if I were Alina, I'd say yes to marrying him without thinking. He's hot, rich, strong, smart AND funny. And you want to stick with MAL?? Girl, give me a break. He's so stale and you already acknowledge you were not meant to be. Just let it go.

I have BEEF with the Darkling! How dare he turn Nikolai into a monster! I will personally go and cut him up myself! I've had it! And him saying Sergei betrayed them. I don't believe anything the Darkling has to say. I don't know why Alina was questioning that when we all know that all he does is LIE. Alina, please turn on your brain. Sergei was most likely threatened into spilling the tea.

(this is how i imagined poor monster nikolai (but shadowy lmao))

God, I love Misha. He is just too cute. And I feel like he was there as a reminder to the squad. For them to remind themselves what they were fighting for. Misha represents Ravka's future and if the Darkling survives there is none. It was so adorable how Misha helped everyone with little tasks an oh, when he was given his practise sword so he could 'fight' too. I know he is staying behind with Genya and David (who are also very cute, and I love them). And in the end Malina lowkey adopted him. He was at their wedding and all.

The scene with Mal and Alina right before the final battle when they were imagining how their lives would be if Alina's powers were discovered earlier was actually really cute. I would like them a lot more if they were just friends that were loyal to each other. This whole romance sub plot was so unnecessary, and it just made both of them extremely annoying.

It was kind of hard to believe Alina was able to keep all those soldiers invisible for that long. Especially with everyone moving around and doing stuff. So, I'm not really surprised the plan didn't work. Dark!Nikolai had to save the day, yet again. But I was glad to see that he was able to fight the darkness inside him and control his body enough to help the squad.

I was happy to see the Darkling die. He deserved it. Good on Alina for having some empathy for him and saying his name while their bodies were being burnt but that would never be me.

I was so sad reading all the names of the people who had fallen during the war. I think I was most sad for Harshaw. He only first appeared in this book, but I liked him and Oncat. And I also really liked Zoya. I am so elated that Nikolai survived. Even with all the scars and trauma I'm positive he will be an amazing king.

I still don't know how to feel about Mal surviving. I'm happy for Alina to have him back, especially now that she has no powers, but I don't know.

I do have to say the epilogue got me in the feels. I may have shed a tear when Genya, Zoya and David visited and gave Alina a blue kefta with that message. I'm glad it was a happy ending.